What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 08:25
This is soul school!.
It was going to be , some day.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
How do you handle your mother-in-law after you heard her talking badly about you in the next room?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Comes on , in middle age.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
What is the worst name in Tolkien’s legendarium (meaning and look)?
And i lived it daily.
We were not on the streets..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But, we were locked up after school.
What do men find attractive in an older woman?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She loved him until the end.
So whats the point in blame.
Why is my crush beautiful to me but not to others?
But ive been too sick for many years..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
What would TERFs do if there weren't such a thing as being transgender? Who would be their target?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Why do I want to suck cock tonight?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
How often do you watch the news on TV?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I write beautiful poetry .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Why do men first look at a woman's chest instead of their face?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Is it possible to achieve spiritual enlightenment while being in a romantic relationship?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My ex moved on so fast. How can I overcome the pain?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She married twice! .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He knew the spot.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
What did i know ?
But it wasn’t much.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She was in good health!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We all went to grammer schools
My life is so biszare .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One cannot live in the past .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She wouldn,t have been !
He resisted the act ,that day.
Would this be the day?
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was very sick at this time too.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was 9 years of age.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
When she asked me how she looked .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Who then, do I blame.?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I think the readers, may guess!
Why did i forgive my father ?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I have no regrets .
I said to her
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Put me off passion for life!!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I waited trembling.
I was seconnd youngest,
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I don,t even have a pension.
My family never makes their pension either.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She found it foreign!.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Ive learnt so much.
I was scared of men, in general
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im still living with it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I will be 64.
So, i spoilt her more .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Was to survive, this bastard.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I could never make a relationship work though!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
All the time i was locked up.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.